dis·so·ci·at·e

Genuine brief, I’m genuine excited for this one. I’ve had a fair chance to start writing on Medium, but I couldn’t find that One Push to actually do it. You wouldn’t believe how many drafts I’ve have written and casually decide to ditch them away, just because “I don’t feel it anymore”. Well, we’re currently in the post-of-a global-pandemic, I’m on my third year in college with a lot of task, and I need to pull myself out of this depressive cycle of sadness… So…

*all my excuses have left the chat*

Le Challenge!

I would most likely hate myself at the end of this challenge (if I ever did finish it), for being too vulnerable & open on this eternal-traced platform. But, I’m more than curious to find out whether I’d be consistent enough, for the love of me, to finish what I started.

So, what I will be doing for the next month is, I’m going to highlight my favorite parts of the chosen song that resonates with me, by giving bits and pieces of unnecessary back-stories from my life. Like I said, it’s unnecessary. But, if our stories somehow linked up & you feel somehow less alone, I’d consider that a success.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 1: “A Song You Like with a Color in The Title”

I’m pretty sure there is a scientific research about the unprecedented number of our generation and its correlation with their desire to dissociate from reality. The number of people my age in my timeline who just casually tweets that they’re depressed on the daily has been over the top insane. I mean, let’s date back to 10 years into the past, where everyone bottled up everything they feel and goes on with their lives as if they’re the happiest being walking down the street. It was rather… naive? For me, Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore perfectly describes this matter on its own distinct way.

Rose Colored Boy (2017) by Paramore

My Random Fact #1: I love sad songs with a joyful delivery. It allows me to process my inner miserable thoughts, with a gentle reminder that it’s gonna pass. That’s a big factor on why I love LOVE After Laughter, almost every song in that album just depicts all that. Rose-Colored Boy starts off with a super catchy and uplifting intro:

Low-key, no pressure
Just hang with me and my weather

HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THAT LINE? It practically says “Let’z vibe with me and all my sadness and be okay with it”, which is honestly pretty reassuring. Next comes the verse:

Rose-colored boy
I hear you making all that noise
About the world you want to see
And oh, I’m so annoyed
’Cause I just killed off what was left of
The optimist in me

They were referencing to a phrase “Rose-colored glasses”, that happens when you look at a person or situation through rose-colored glasses or rose-tinted glasses, you see only their good points and therefore your view of them is unrealistic. I’m just gonna say that, to some extent, that is a toxic positivity. Looking around at this VERY moment, I just have zero hope left in me and any positive encouragement from anyone would just not do it. So, yeah, I get it Miss Haley. Let’s skip it to the chorus:

Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain’t gon’ smile if I don’t want to
Hey, man, we all can’t be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too
My rose-colored boy

My need to scream that first line nonchalantly from the top of a skyscraper where every ear in town could absorb it, is very high. She just wants to gave in to the sadness. She wishes that she could be like the rose-colored boy, but she can’t. And that’s okay. More often than not, I’ve been feeling that these last couple of months. It feels like a horse’s poop, cow’s poop, goat’s poop, altogether. The pandemic has dimmed a lot of my bright side, or as Miss Hayley said it, “I’m right at the end of my rope”. There are also a lot of times where I wish I have enough strength to break out and conquer all my problems one by one, but most times, I don’t even have the strength to get out of my bed.

And that’s okay. Just let me dissociate myself in peace, for awhile.

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